With news that the Angels
traded for/stole Dan Haren from the D'Bags yesterday (for Joe Saunders? Really? Christ...it's like a bad fantasy baseball trade), it would seem that Ted Lilly has now become the prettiest girl at prom.
As Gordon Wittenmeyer writes in
today's Chicago Sun-Times, the Tigers, Dodgers and Mets are most-rumored dance partners for Ted. But, being a classy, upstanding left-handed starting pitcher, isn't just going to jump into bed with anyteam.
According to TLFC Scout Kevin Marx, here's what the three main suitors are offering TL in exchange for his (left) hand:
Detroit Tigers: Primary Offering: Chance to bring hope and joy to a downtrodden city (standard TL fare--like breathing or ab work). Secondary Offering: Mash-up with Eminem; VH1 Storytellers session with Kid Rock; and Ford Fusions for life.
Los Angeles Dodgers: Primary Offering: Casey Blake's still-beating heart (Yep--no way Ted forgot that Casey accused him of cheating a few short weeks ago--this would be akin to a "Temple of Doom" situation with Ted pulling CB's heart out of his chest while Shortround looks on). Secondary Offering: A Private "Ted Only" lane on the 405 Freeway and cameo in next season of "Curb Your Enthusiasm"
New York Mets: Primary Offering: A clip of hair from Keith Hernandez's mustache. Secondary Offering: Half-hearted promise that he won't get stabbed outside Citi Field; slice of Famous Ray's pizza.
Not going to lie--maybe it's just Monday and Sanka has yet to kick in--but that's a pretty good deal.
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Mike Fontenot
Micah Hoffpauir